Not of My Own Accord

Left to my own accord, I would not be going through an emotionally exhausting, financially taxing adoption right now.

Left to my own accord, I would not be actively seeking to bring a child with physical difficulties into our home.

Left to my own accord, I would not be bringing home a child who will most likely have some level of difficulty attaching emotionally to our family.

Left to my own accord, I would be pregnant by now. We would be looking at bringing home a child who would have been cared for the minute she or he was conceived. We would be bringing a child who would be loved and would attach easily. She or he would be in our arms from the moment she or he entered the world and would not know any of the heartaches of growing up in an orphanage. She or he would not have been left on a doorstep of an orphanage or a hospital. It would be different if it were just up to me.

Thank goodness it is not. God has a plan for our lives and He has been revealing bits and pieces of His plan along this crazy road called life. He has been softening our hearts for years. He has been putting people in our lives who have encouraged us down this road. He has been providing the means to make this adoption possible. God has been orchestrating this adoption just as He orchestrates every detail of our lives. He is the One stretching us and molding us into these people we are today.

This is why it is so difficult for me to respond to these responses we have been getting lately. “Wow! You are so brave!” “I could never do what you are doing.” “You are doing such an amazing thing!” When I talk to Christians, a simple “We are doing what God has called us to do” will often suffice. It is harder to give a simple answer to non-Christians. I have been praying a lot that God will give me the right words to point people away from us and to Him. The important thing we want people to know is that we are nothing without Him and left to our own accord, we would not be going outside our comfort zone.

Raising Princesses

Sometimes I get caught up in pink. I have two girls who love pink. Two girls who want to grow up to be real life princesses…or mommies…both of which seem to hold an equal amount of appeal and glamor for them. I have two girls, who are the epitome of girly girls.

Now, let’s be honest. I revel in the fact that my girls have naturally gravitated towards femininity because they are growing up during a time in history where femininity is something that is underrepresented and undervalued. In fact, I have noticed a trend towards encouraging girls to be the opposite of the quintessential girly girl by removing pink from their wardrobe choices, giving them unisex names and encouraging them to wrestle with boy rather than play dolls with girls.

If that is the girl’s choice, that is ok. Not all girls are created equal. Some naturally gravitate towards tom-boy and some towards tutus.

For my part, I am not afraid to have girls whose pursuit of happiness includes ruffles and sparkles. I am comfortable with girls who want to glue glitter on every craft they make. I delight in my girls’ femininity and I want them to delight in it too.

But…I don’t want them to rely on it to define them. If I ever have a tom-boy girl, I wouldn’t want her to rely on those aspects of her personality to define her either.

I want my girls to be defined by their relationship with the King. The way they live their lives and let Christ shine through them should ultimately define who they are. I want my girls to know that they are not princesses because they wear sparkly shoes or shiny lip gloss or pink toe nail polish. They are princesses when they show compassion to those who need a kind word or touch. They are truly beautiful when they show grace when it is not shown to them. By showing Christ’s love, they can be real princesses of the Kingdom of Heaven.

And there is no amount of glitter that can replace that.

The Dichotomy of the Working Mom vs. the Stay-at-home Mom

Now, I have a confession to make. I am a working mom masquerading as a stay-at-home mom or quite possibly vice versa. It is kind of hard to tell. My entire life as a mother has been spent crossing the boundaries of those two worlds.

Something recently came to my attention. There are people in my life who only see me as one sided. But I see myself as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and a working mom.

I do the things that my SAHM friends do. Like my SAHM friends, I bake, clean, decorate, cook, can, craft, etc. and most importantly feel like I am actively involved in my children’s lives. I also do the things working/moms-getting-degrees do too, such as attend school, hold a part-time job and complete externships.

But the kicker is I do not plan on working full time and I don’t plan on staying at home full time. Therefore, I do not fit squarely into either camp of mothers. However, this does make me perfectly positioned to feel the tension coming from both sides of the working vs. staying at home dichotomy.

It has often struck me that mothers tend to take a rigid view of the lifestyle they have chosen for themselves and their families (fathers do this too). Maybe it has struck me because I know I struggle with it all the time! It is easy to critique someone’s life choices if they are different from your own.

Please note: I am not saying there are not absolutes. Obviously there are many things that fall under the category of “poor or bad or horrible parenting” and those things are valid concerns whether you work or stay at home. The cause for concern I am discussing here is that there are mothers tearing down mothers over life choices that we have Biblical freedom to make.

Mothering is a difficult calling and it should not be made more difficult by those who share that same calling.

The important thing is to respect mothers from both sides of the fence and mothers who straddle those fences. Mothers who love their children share a common denominator. They want what is best for their children. Although we may not always see eye to eye on parenting techniques or what to feed our children or whether or not to work, we share a huge equalizing factor. We love our kids. Christian mothers share even a larger denominator. We are sisters in Christ as well as mothers who love their children.

This is an important thing to consider: “Is this mother nurturing her children and is she caring for her family in the best way she can taking into account all her circumstances?” If you can honestly say yes, can you say she is a bad mother? You can say the choices she made for her family may not be the same ones that you would make for your family, but you should not say she is not mothering her children.

The key to breaking this cycle is to start befriending mothers who have made different choices about working than you and to recognize that their choice has validity too.

Take the time to encourage a mother who is not inside your fence. She might really need it.

Where I begin to blog again

Obviously my intention to write a blog was good, but my follow-through was poor. Here is a shout out to my sister Alyssa who has been hounding me about writing on this beautiful blog page she designed.

Seriously, if you need to spice up your blog, send me a note and I will give you Alyssa’s contact information. She has a degree in graphic design which is pretty spiffy.

So here is my second attempt at blogging. It looks like my first attempt was in March 2010. Hmmm, it doesn’t seem legit to say you blog if you only write a post every year and one half. Good thing I don’t call myself a blogger.

Yet.

To avoid an extremely long sabbatical between this post and my next post, I have written several posts just waiting to be published. Coming soon is a post about the dichotomy of the working mom versus the stay-at-home mom.

You should be on the edge of your seats.

There are a lot of changes coming to our family in the near future and this is the perfect space to record it all. Join me for the ride.

You won’t regret it.

Or maybe you will.

In any case, I think it will be fun to start writing…again.

My first blog name idea was Daily Dose of Drama. I still have that name registered, but then I realized something. There is already a LOT of drama in the blog world. It probably does not need more.

In fact, that is why I have toyed with the idea of writing a blog for almost a year. Yes, over analyzing is one of my most annoying habits. When I remember the cute shirt on sale at Old Navy that I thought about so long it was gone forever, I cry. So I have thought and thought and thought about starting a blog. I have worried about what people might say about what I say...or do...or don't do. Then I worried that I won't need to worry about what people might say or do or think because maybe there won't be anyone reading anyway. Then I worried about all of the drama surrounding other bloggers and I wanted to hide in an anonymous hole for the rest of my life.

Finally, I decided it doesn't matter.

Regardless of whether people read, I will have fun writing. Regardless of whether people like what I have to say, I will have fun writing. Regardless of what people think of me, I will have fun writing. And the day I stop having fun writing, is probably the day I should stop writing.

So this newly birthed blog will chronicle the happenings in the life of a family who is probably a lot like yours. Or maybe it is not. Either way, I hope you have fun reading!