Lately doubts have set in. Creeping, ugly doubts. We have hit some bumps along the road to our adoption. Things have not been as simple as we anticipated. Rarely are they in the adoption process, I know, but I am starting to get discouraged.
We are traveling this road at the same time as dear friends of ours. They have received so many confirmations that they are on the right path. They received their referral much sooner than anticipated and people in their church have contributed huge amounts of money to their adoption. They didn’t have hang ups and hiccups. They have had smooth sailing. It didn’t take much and I started to doubt.
I started to wonder about God’s plan. Were we following it? When was He going to confirm we were on the right path? Where was that writing on the wall assuring us that we were doing the right thing?
I was giving God a condition. “Show me a sign so that I might be encouraged to continue to obey You.” Sounds a little like someone named Gideon (Judges 6). Gideon asked God to make the fleece he laid out wet with dew but keep the ground wet one night and vice versa the next night.
While writing this, I googled Gideon. It just so “happened” that I stumbled upon this great blog post addressing this very issue. Louis Kinsey at Coffee with Louis states, “When we lay fleeces down, we show that we are reluctant to believe God’s promises to care for us and guide us. It shows that we are unwilling to trust the renewed minds and consecrated brains that God has given us. We reveal an impatience with prayer and a lack of confidence that prayer will be answered.”
That is exactly where I have been. I have longed for something that I can point to and say, “Look at God moving mountains for our adoption. That must mean we are following His will.”
This just shows my lack of faith. I am looking for a sign even when I know that God’s plan for my life is so much greater than I can ever fathom. God is gracious and I fully expect He has a plan that puts ours to shame. Now I just have to wait with patience, remaining in prayer, to find out what His plan is.