Friday, March 23, 2012

A Darker World

I serve the One who caused the blind to see. This is comfort in the wake of my optometrist appointment several weeks ago. Over one year ago, I went to see a retinal specialist. He confirmed what several optometrists mentioned might be a possibility. I have an uncommon retinal disorder called Stargadt’s disease (approximately 30,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with this disorder).

Unfortunately the retinal specialist was very busy and very flippant about my disease. He essentially told me not to worry about anything until around fifty. From the very sparse information this specialist gave me, I thought I would begin to lose my eye sight around fifty. However, I thought it would be slowly progressing so that I would not be legally blind until my seventies.

My optometrist and the literature painted a different story this week. My optometrist said the loss of my eye sight would be rapid (within several years) and the literature states fifty percent of people diagnosed with Stargadt’s disease are legally blind by the age of fifty. Couple that with the fact that I have had a sudden increase in sensitivity to light and headaches brought on by eye strain leads me to believe that I will be fortunate to have sight for even two more decades.

My fifties and beyond were supposed to be so golden. There would be money to explore and the whole world would be our stomping ground. There would be new hobbies to take up. There would be time to do so many things once the kids were raised. There would be joyous trips to the zoo with sweet grandchildren. There would be excursions to the flea market and antique stores finding unique items of interest for the house. There would be books to curl up to and read at a luxurious pace.

Now it looks like those things will not happen the way that I imagined them.

It is time to imagine a new golden era, one without sight. This week I brushed the girls’ hair, walked through the house, and tried to apply make-up all with my eye’s closed. It doesn’t really give me much of an idea though, because each time I can open my eyes. It is a complete unknown. When I stop to think about it, it feels like falling. This lovely song has helped me to rest in God alone. The portion about lesser lights and fleeting shadows speaks directly to me now.

Still, my soul, be still
do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows.
Hold on to His ways,
with shield of faith against temptation’s flaming arrows.

God, You are my God,
and I will trust in You and not be shaken.
Lord of peace, renew
a steadfast spirit within me to rest
in You alone.
“Still, My Soul, Be Still” by Keith & Kristyn Getty

Before the eye appointment I had read a very good freelance piece in World Magazine by Andree Seu. She writes, “To reckon how utterly out of control we are regarding our personal features is to surrender more contentedly to walking according to the unseen rather than the seen.” I tore the quote out of the magazine and even posted it to Facebook. Little did I know that God may truly be calling me to walk the unseen path.

Please pray that God will give me the faith to travel whatever path He calls me to and that only will I trust in the One who caused the blind to see.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, friend. That sure is tough news. I will be praying for you. Our bodies are so weak and frail. I am so grateful to be getting a new one some day, that will never fail and will allow me to behold the Lord with real eyes.